Today I've just returned from my second memorial service in a week, my third this season. I sat alone in my pew, one of hundreds, saying goodbye to yet another of the good men in this small community I have come to call home. I sat in the back, looking around at the men I didn't know, curious about the ones showing signs of emotion. I saw a few of I did know and couldn't help wondering how much longer they will be here. In the world, that is.
Maybe it's just the gray day. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I just miss these men who have been my guides, my role models. Men who have given me courage and faith. Men who had the character to remain good to their core in this world that rewards and nurtures men who take the low road. These men were my guideposts. They didn't let themselves or anyone else off the hook. They made us all better people.
Larry was 82. Gary was 57. Glen was 42.
We have to figure out how to carry on without you. As I sit here with an ache in my throat and in my heart, the wind rises up to rattle my windows again as if to say, "Bang--no, it's not easy. Bang--who ever said it was? Rattle, rattle--so what are you going to do?"
Today, I'm going to feel sad. Tomorrow I'll get to work finding the courage in myself that until now I've only known while standing in your shadow.
